I wrote a few thoughts down after the accident so I could perserve what I was thinking. Here they are:
The outpouring of sympathy and help has been nearly overwhelming. Complete strangers like Bob and Deb Klunder are praying to God for me. After the nurse told me that they had called her at 7 AM to see if I was okay and let me know that their praying for me, my eyes watered. They still water just thinking about it. It's out of love. They are loving people and that's what they have given me.
Like most accident vicitims do, I've looked back at the events and decisions leading up to my getting hit and feel somewhat afraid in recognizing how small seemingly inconsequential decisions led to a very consequential event. Like when I saw the cars waiting at the construction site and decided to pull into Burwash for a bite to eat, hoping my timing at the site would better when I got back on the road. If I hadn't done that this wouldn't have happened. At least, this particular accident wouldn't have occured. I might have been hit by a truck instead. Of course I've known for awhile that that is how life goes, but there's nothing like a vivid color example to make the point abudantly clear...and personal.
Again, I look backward from the accident and find other events or thoughts that are pulled from insignicance to pertinance through the filtered lens I'm looking through. Like how a few minutes before the accident the guys on Harleys told me about an accident that happened at the Fairbanks ralley and how it wasn't the bikers fault.
I save my I-pod for the times when I'm truly bored driving and thanks to the amazing terrain here I don't wear them often. Sometimes to pass the time I hum or sing into the 60 mph wind swirling by. When hitting the random selection button on my mind's jukebox, a frequent song that pops up is Rush's "Roll the Bones". The main idea of the song is that life is unpredictable so just get out there, keep rolling the dice and see what hand you get dealt. What else can you do? The other point the song makes is that its futile to ask questions like "why are we hear" and "why does it happen". They are unanswerable and you can spend your life hung up on them or get out there and actually live it.